Written by Zach Harper | 04 February 2009

I finally figured it out.

And it occurred to me when LeBron James grabbed his 10th rebound of the night against the Knicks, right before time expired, to give him a ridiculous stat line of 52 points, 11 assists, and 10 rebounds.

Go ahead. Double-check the box score. I don't mind. Check this one too. Believe me now? Okay, let's proceed.

Like I said, I've seen this before. And everybody has Liz Hurley to blame. She's the devil and she's the one that has given LeBron James the power to dominate on a big stage like this. This isn't something human. Guys that are his size don't move like him. They don't play like him. They don't even have the "Le" in front of their name per usual.

So something had to have been done to make this dominating force. And the only thing that I can think of is that he has been Bedazzled. No, not bedazzled like "I need more rhinestones on this jean jacket or everyone at school is going to think I'm poor." I mean bedazzled like LeBron made a pact with the devil to be a great NBA player. I used to think the following clip was just a scene from a movie. I used to think the guy was Brendan Fraser and the girl was Liz Hurley pretending to be the devil. But after watching the Knicks-Cavs game and thinking about it for a couple of hours, I realize that this was not just some chapter of a DVD; it was a premonition but way better than the crappy ones that Sandra Bullock had in that really terrible movie. Check out the video:




You see what I mean? It was a glimpse into the future. Hell, Austin Carr is even in the video. He looks like the receiver from The Replacements and the guy that told me to make 7Up mine but if you listen to him analyze a game, it's definitely Austin Carr.

And that's definitely MSG hosting a game between the Cavs and the Knicks. Maybe Diablos is a new nickname for the Cavs for how sinisterly they've handled the Knicks the past couple of years.

And that guy isn't Brendan Fraser. It's just before High Definition was fashionable to hang on your wall like artwork so it's tough to make out that it's LeBron. And I have no idea why they're calling him "Elliot Richards" but that doesn't really matter now. What matters is that LeBron James has the evil forces of Liz Hurley on his side and that's why he's so dominant.

That's why just a couple of days after Kobe Bryant set the Garden record with 61 points to beat out Bernard King, a completely different King came through and one-upped him. Some Lakers fans will argue that the 61 points was far more impressive because it was in fewer minutes and happened on fewer shots. And that's a cute thing to consider until you realize that LeBron wasn't going to beat him at the game of high-volume scoring. It's not his style. LeBron gets triple-doubles. LeBron drops 50 in the Garden.

And LeBron does both when he wants to prove a point about being the best player in the league.
 

< Prev		Next >