Written by Zach Harper | 12 January 2009

I don't even know where to begin with this. I truly don't.

It's not often that a story leaves me feeling confused, animated, fearful, overjoyed, enthusiastic, amused, giddy, horrified, intrigued, dubious, euphoric, and flat out entertained. If I were to tell you that a player for the New York Knicks is being sued for sexual harassment, what would your reaction be?

Something like, "Great, who did Stephon Marbury offend now?"

Maybe something like, "Wow, I'm shocked that David Lee could pull that off" or "Isn't Nate Robinson too short to sexually harass someone?"  

If I were to give you 15 guesses, where would Eddy Curry fall in this category?  Fifth? Seventh? Somewhere between Wilson Chandler's youthful exuberance and Malik Rose's utter malaise?

Now what if I was to tell you that the sexual harassment case was a male driver claiming that this player had appeared nude to him and said to "Look at it" and "Touch it?"

Now where does Eddy Curry rank? 12th? 13th? Somewhere between Jared Jeffries' crossed eyes and Malik Rose's unbridled enthusiasm?

I'll give you a few minutes to stop laughing, wipe the tears away and compose yourself. Then I'll allow you to giggle a little bit more, text/email/aim your friends, and recompose yourself.

Now let's tackle this issue.

Here's the story via JE Skeets' twitter account and the NY Post.  

I mean, how is this even possible? How could God or whatever you want to call it shine down on me so perfectly? This is the best story of the year. And we're nine days into the year.  

Let's just go over some of my favorite quotes from the story:

"The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky 'in the nude,' allegedly telling him, 'Look at me, Dave, look' and 'Come and touch it, Dave.'"

"Curry also made Kuchinsky perform 'humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them,' the Manhattan federal court suit says."

"Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including 'f---ing Jew,' 'cracker,' 'white slave,' 'white devil' and 'grandmaster of the KKK.'"

"The sex allegations hark back to the bad old days of Isiah Thomas running the team..."

The best part of this story will be the ensuing stories where more details come out. We're going to see how NBA players treat this. We're going to see if he's going to be closely guarded or given the matador defense that he has so ostentatiously redefined throughout his career.  Are the rowdy Jazz, Blazers, and Celtics crowds going to chant, "Touch it, Daaaaaa-ve (clap, clap, clap clap clap)."

One unnamed source who spoke to me on the condition of anonymity stated, "He's going to start balling out of control. No one's going to touch him. The NBA is a league full of homophobes."

That's one thing to remember. The league is full of homphobes. Sports are in general. There isn't a lot of understanding and respect in things like this. This league isn't necessarily full of guys like Tim Hardaway, who was willing to go on national radio and state that he hates gay people, but it also isn't full of people who will start stamping rainbow stickers on their Mercedes, start blasting "It's Raining Men," and buy John Amaechi's book.  

How will the players take this? If more and more details come out and Knicks players are aware of this behavior of Curry and this lawsuit has validity then what will the fallout become? Will he be ostracized?  Will his teammates still involve him? Will D'Antoni try to "run the gay out of him?"

This story has caught everybody off guard. Shaq tweeted that he had to go to bed on this one. Talkhoops.net writer, Phillip Barnett, said, "When someone just aims me a link, I always prepare myself because you never know when you're going to read a story like Tim Hardaway hates gay people -- or Eddy Curry is gay." And everybody that walked through the Talkhoops.net headquarters tonight as received a jubilant diatribe from me about how this is the greatest NBA story that I've ever heard.  

And we have Eddy Curry, his former driver, and some random sexual solicitations accompanied with odd racial slurs to thank for this.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go decompress and try to calm myself down.

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