Written by Zach Harper | 16 July 2009

I have to admit; I don't have an answer to this question.

In fact even if I did, I wouldn't understand the Answer in this equation.

Generally, I try not to get caught up in rumors until something comes to fruition because it seems like senseless writing to me. I don't like to speculate all the time and try to write an analysis to every little idea that's floated on the internet because I don't have that kind of time and I'd feel completely stupid at this point if I had already written about Hedo Turkoglu as a Blazer or Marcin Gortat as a Maverick. But these speculation pieces about Allen Iverson going to the Los Angeles Clippers have me completely confused.

Before we really delve into the particulars of this possible addition, it is fun to think of the aesthetics of what an Allen Iverson acquisition would mean for this Clippers roster. It would undoubtedly give the Clippers are starting five of Chris Kaman, Blake Griffin, Al Thornton, Allen Iverson, and Baron Davis with key guys like Marcus Camby, Eric Gordon, and Quentin Richardson off the bench. That's a pretty star-studded and fun-looking lineup to have running about the Staples Center. It also looks like an NBA 2K roster that people would dream of playing with if you adopt the same random team selection process for every game like we do at the Talkhoops HQ.



But I'm still confused by this big name lineup with Allen Iverson coming aboard to either play the starting shooting guard with Baron or - gasp! - come off the bench behind Baron and Eric as their version of Ben Gordon.

I haven't been this confounded by this many big names getting together in a long time. It brings to mind two times in the relatively recent past in which a big time ensemble didn't quite seem to fit in my mind and ultimately failed.

The first one that comes to mind is the 2000-01 Portland Trailblazers team. They were coming off of a heart-breaking collapse in Game Seven of the 2000 Western Conference Finals to the Lakers, which was capped off by a future piano-laden highlight commercial in which Kobe broke down the city of Portland and lobbed the ball up high to Shaquille O'Neal (coincidentally, it was the last time he ever jumped high for a basketball). The Blazers possessed a stacked and loaded roster, sporting 11 guys getting double-digit minutes every night and nine guys playing over 17 minutes per game. They had a frontcourt of Rasheed Wallace, Arvydas Sabonis, and Scottie Pippen to rule the land and take them to a title.

But in this age of fantasy sports, the big names that they had on the roster weren't enough for this desperate team. They swapped out role players like Brian Grant and their young backup Jermaine O'Neal for better well-known frontline players like Dale Davis and Shawn Kemp. They were putting together a rotisserie league champion instead of an NBA champion. They already had a good young power forward in Rasheed Wallace who was capable of dominating the league if need be but they felt they had to bring in the cocaine-toting owner of Kemp Family Franchises (a national organization of offsprung families, littered with illegitimate children). They simply brought in too much new and volatile talent in a game that allowed for just one basketball.

The second instance that comes to mind is the movie Big Trouble. If you had told me in 2002, that there would be a comedy starring Tim Allen, Renee Russo, Stanley Tucci, Tom Sizemore, Dennis Farina, Jason Lee, Putty from Seinfeld, Janeane Garofalo when she was still funny, and Johnny Knoxville but told me that it would be one of the most unwatchable movies in the history of cinema (yes, Sandra Bullock movies count too) then I would have told you that you're insane. There were simply too many big stars or well-known personas for this movie to ever make sense. Much like with the 2001 Blazers and there only being one ball to share, there were simply only so many lines that could be uttered and scenes that could involve funny moments for this many actors. Instead with both of these examples, failure was imminent and it sent Tom Sizemore into a tailspin.

And that's how I feel this Clippers team is going to end up. It's a fantasy roster in which the parts don't fit in reality. It's not a matter of Allen Iverson fitting in. He simply doesn't. There's really no way of him fitting in with Mike Dunleavy as a coach, especially when the Clippers start out slowly and Mike D quickly abandons any semblance of a running style attack.

This is not a knock against Allen Iverson in any way, either. I think the world of AI and think he gets a bad rap. I don't think he's a selfish player. He's just Reggie Miller. Iverson is least effective when he has to move without the ball and rely on somebody to set him up. A.I. is a commander of his own ship. He's best with the ball in his hands and the playmaking at his discretion. It's how he was brought up playing basketball. It's how he was brought up playing sports. He was the quarterback in football and he's the quarterback on the basketball court, except he's not the type of QB who waits in the pocket for things to open up.

Iverson reminds me of the days of Randall Cunningham. Guys like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning excel at letting the game come to them and waiting to see what the defense gives them. Iverson and Cunningham aren't those types of athletes. Iverson and Cunningham are guys that say, "Fuck the defense; I got this" as they dictate what happens in the game. They make things happen and are able to live with risks that go awry.

And that's wherein lies the problem with Iverson joining this Clippers squad. They already have a Randall Cunningham in the backcourt with Baron Davis. Boom Dizzle is the type of guy that presses his luck like he's riding a hot hand on Let It Ride. He needs the ball in his hands to be at his best and has to have the freedom to create pandemonium for the defense. You can't have two of those guys playing together at the same time for 30+ minutes every night. It just doesn't work. You can have two high-volume shooters playing with each other if both have a defined role that isn't the same thing for both players. Richard Hamilton and Chauncey Billups made it work. Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker seem to have had success with it. But these are two different types of guys.

A.I. and Boom aren't those types of guys. They're one in the same.

Not to mention the fact that they already have a nice off-the-ball scorer in Eric Gordon who averaged over 20 points per game after New Year's Rockin' Eve last season. Gordon doesn't need his growth stunted because Donald Sterling thinks he can sell some Buffalo Braves throwback Iverson jerseys. If anything, this team needs Lamar Odom. They need someone to step in at the small forward position so Al Thornton can just be a role player-type scorer off the bench. This team needs a reason to run more fast breaks instead of running more isolation sets.

I'm not sure where Iverson fits in this league anymore. There's definitely still a place for him. It might be in Memphis, although I doubt it. It might be in Charlotte, which seems like the best compromise for him right now. Or it might be with a hopeful contender like New Orleans or Houston. But wherever it is, it surely isn't alongside Baron Davis and Blake Griffin.

Not even NBA 2K10 would want Iverson on the Clippers.

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