| 23 March 2009
When Portland announcer, Mike Barrett, said this sentence last night, it sent an uproar of laughter through the Talkhoops.net headquarters. We were completely caught off guard by it and even had to question if he actually said that. While a lot of outsiders who come across Blazers' telecasts on NBA League Pass don't really care for the "homeristic" ways that the Blazers' announcers call the game, I actually find Barrett and his color commentator, Mike Rice, pretty entertaining. They seem to get excited at the right times. They don't really pine for calls for their team or lament calls against their team for very long if at all. And every once in a while we get gems like this one that make a broadcast THAT much more enjoyable.
And it got me thinking of who I'd like to see dusted off in the league or players that are recently retired that could give it a go at what they did best just one more time. Theo Ratliff was brought in for defense last night even though he really didn't seem too effective at it (perhaps he was still distracted). So here are just a few of people who I'd like to see "dusted off."
Oliver Miller: Other than Joey Chestnut and Kobayashi, when is the last time you saw a good eating contest? Hell, when is the last time you saw a good eating contest between two fat guys? The competitive eating world has been overtaken by these skinny kids with malleable gullets, expanding stomachs, and Devin Harris-fast metabolisms. I want Oliver Miller to come back, challenge Sean May to an eat-off, and give competitive eating back to the guys who spent their whole lives training for this whether they knew it or not. C'mon, Sean May! Let's go, Jerome James! Eddy Curry, time to be productive! Let's dust off the sweatpants or elastic-waist-banded jeans and take back this country! Fat guys, unite!
Mike Miller's jump shot: This is just a plea from a Wolves' fan. Mike Miller is known for his shooting first and foremost. He used to be one of the top shooters in the league. But he's not anymore. And it's not because he can't shoot. The fact that he won't shoot anymore leaves without evidence as to whether or not he can still do it at an exceptional level. Let's dust off the old jumper and see if it still rains. Is that too much to ask from a ravaged Wolves' fan? I need a drink...
Elliot Perry/Kerry Kittles' socks: Eddie House just isn't doing it for me. I want an awkwardly skinny basketball player who sports the high socks that almost look like leggings. I'd like Darius Miles to come back wearing them. Or have Austin Daye from Gonzaga do it when he comes into the league. Or I'd even sett;e for the hilarious sight of Hasheem Thabeet wearing high socks when he gets drafted. But someone needs to bring it back and make it fashionable. Let's dust those off.
Shawn Kemp/Larry Johnson: It's been a while since we had an impressive string of illegitimate children being fathered in the NBA. I'm sure it's going on right now (even as we speak) but we've never seen such an impressive volume of kids scattered around this country. These two guys set up more franchises around cities than Starbucks. It would be nice to get these guys back in the swing of things to see if they have any juice left in the tank (poor choice of words). So, come back LJ and Reign Man. The child support checks would be a bailout for the working class of groupies and strippers around this great country of ours.
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