| 01 May 2009
Not only has this series been great from a basketball perspective, but it has been one of the most hilarious series in all of sports. This is only the second time in my basketball-watching lifetime that I've made a point to watch any playoff series in any round more than a Lakers series (the only other one being that Warriors-Mavericks series in 2007). I ended up missing one of the Lakers-Jazz (which, unfortunately, had to be the game where Kobe Bryant dropped 38), but there is no way that I was going to miss any of these Bulls-Celtics games after watching game one, and there is no way that I'm missing Game 7 because of these reasons:
- The first reason is I may be the biggest basketball fan in Central California and everything mentioned in the first paragraph of this article is everything one would hope for in a playoff series.
- It was mentioned before, but I've come to realize that I'd much rather watch Rajon Rondo and Derek Rose go at it over a Chris Paul - Deron Williams match-up. Not because Rondo and Rose are better than Paul and Williams, because they aren't, they are just more exciting. I love how methodical both Paul and Williams are with the ball, but Rondo v. Rose has been too fun this whole series.
- Ben "Malcolm X" Gordon has been the single most hilarious player to watch this series. On the offensive end he's already taken more terrible, double-teamed shots than Kobe took in the entire 2005-2006 season this series, hence the nickname Malcolm X. He's determined to get his numbers by any means necessary. Two of my top five favorite people currently living in Bakersfield are huge Bulls fans and it's been beyond brutal for them watching Gordon operate on the offensive end, and he's been worse (meaning more hilarious for non-Bulls fans) on the defensive end of the floor.
My roommate Dhevin, a life long Bulls fan, pointed out that Gordon has not fought through a screen his entire NBA career - and it doesn't look like he's going to start anytime soon. He is consistently getting screened, and watching the rest of the play right where he was screened. His apathy on the defensive end of the floor has been the butt of the majority of the jokes my friends and I have been making. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it. Even Allen Iverson fought through a screen every once in a while - and after Game 6, he officially became the captain of the "I Probably Would Have Killed Myself By Now If He Played For My Team" All-Stars. - There has been an unprecedented amount of coverage of this series' most annoying player. There is nothing intrinsically interesting about Joakim Noah. Here is the first paragraph of an article written by Jon Greenberg, a regular on ESPN.com's Chicago portion of the website, "Joakim Noah's swag is phenomenal. His swag is crazy. His swag is super funky." What? I understand that he has a unique ability to get underneath the skin of players and fans alike, but do we need writers lying to us about Noah's alleged swagger? I think not. (Note: I typed that paragraph before he shitted on Paul Pierce. That dunk was almost life altering because, even though it was a fast break off of a steal and he had done this many times during his two championship seasons with Florida, I had no idea it was coming. I expected a layup, and expected Pierce to stay in the game. I may not be able to stand Noah, but I have to admit that I enjoyed that play, I enjoyed his reaction, and most of all, I enjoyed Paul Pierce being fouled out.)
- Vinny Del Negro vs. Doc Rivers has been nothing short of depressing in the most hilarious way possible. The coaching moves throughout this series have been terrible to say the least, but watching the reactions of Rivers (always seems like he's the one hitting all of the big shots) and Negro (none at all) have been amazing to watch. While in what I think was the first overtime of Game 6, Vinny was looking as confused as always and my friend Davion and I tried to figure out who he looked like. It dawned on us that he looked like Luke Wilson's character in Blue Streak (Carlson), pretty much always confused. Which makes Doc Rivers Martin Lawrence's character (Logan), taking credit for a bunch of things he didn't really do. This makes Rajon Rondo (who has become the dirtiest player of this series) Deacon, Peter Greene's character and Tony Allen Tulley, Dave Chappellle's character, since he's been instant comedy every time he's stepped onto the floor. Speaking of Tony Allen...
- Tony Allen is one of those players who is almost worthless (at least this post season) that either my friend Davion or myself happens to like. Guys like Juan Dixon and Alando Tucker. Just pay attention to the situations where Tony Allen is inserted into the game and watch how he always finds a way to get beat off of the dribble, commit a terrible foul or turn the ball over when possessions mean the most, like the last minute of regulation, or in the 12th overtime. It's going to happen, and if you're not a Celtics fan, which I clearly am not, it will be hilarious.
- Ray Allen's juvenile diabetes Commercials in HD have been awful to watch. My friend Celia told me about the commercial and how his teeth looked jacked in the commercial. I saw the commercial for the first time in a bar and had a debate with her about whether or not he had braces. Either way, it doesn't make up for the fact that he has millions of dollars and his teeth were the color of the back of Troy McClure's neck. Who gave him permission to have a hot wife though? I surely did not. His teeth have completely taken away our ability to make jokes about juvenile diabetes. It really isn't something that should be funny, but apparently no one in my circle of friends - including myself - has a soul. We make fun of everything, except juvenile diabetes because it's easier to make fun of Ray Ray's teeth. By the way, has anyone else noticed that Ray Allen's character in "He Got Game" is Sebation Telfair's life? I can't believe it took a text message from Celia during Game 6 for me to actually realize the parallels.
- Paul Pierce's chapped lips in HD have been equally as bad. I noticed this in game five when Pierce was in "There Is No Way I'm Losing This Game And I'm Going To Get To My Favorite Spots And Drill Jumper After Jumper" mode. He was at the line and there was the ubiquitous close up shot on Pierce and his lips were ridiculously chapped, which led to us calling out different brands of chapstick every time he put up a jumper. A quick side note, where does Pierce rate among all time playoff performers? It seems like he was built for the post season (you know, if you forget about
everything that happened before the '07-'08 season). Davion and I debated this while he was hitting game tying shots at the end of regulation and clutch jumper after clutch jumper in overtime, three in a row between 15 and 19 feet on the right elbow. Davion felt that he had to be top 5, which I found ridiculous because I do remember his bum ass before he had The Big Ticket and Ray Ray by his side. But for me to even be typing this as an avid Celtics hater and someone who has loathed Paul Pierce since he's been in the league, he has to be Top 10, right? Somewhere between eight and 10, maybe? Someone needs to come up with a list and deliver it to me as soon as possible.
- Has anyone ever looked more infinitely hungry while emerging as a quality basketball player simultaneously like Glen Davis is right now? He's played brilliantly this whole series while looking like he's always thinking about food. How can you play so well while thinking about cornbread and Quarter Pounders from McDonalds? I don't know, but I'm lovin' it.
- Kevin Garnett's has to be one of the best-dressed men in the NBA. I find myself impressed with his choice of suits and sweater vests night to night. But what I've been most impressed with is the amount of going-into-timeout-highlights he's had this series. It's been at least four or five ever game this series. How does someone in street clothes earn more going-into-timeout-highlights than starters like Kendrick Perkins (who has played equally as well as Glen Davis) or Tyrus Thomas, who you'd think would have at least one going-into-timeout-highlight every quarter and overtime period? Combine that with his extreme intensity and the number of F-Bombs and you've just wrapped up the final component of the perfect playoff series.
You can follow Phillip Barnett at his own blog -- imsohideous.blogspot.com
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