Written by Zach Harper | 08 May 2009

I don't attempt to be a complex person by any means. Sure, I like to think of myself as having an advanced sense of humor since things like Dane Cook and fart jokes (that sounds kind of redundant) don't amuse me all that much but overall, I can be easily amused or enthralled with just about anything.

With that said, I am always completely amused by someone throwing a White Men Can't Jump quote into casual conversation. In fact, I based by formative years on doing so, which makes life difficult when you're trying to explain to your grandma why you would say that your own mother is "too drunk to be an astronaut." Luckily, I've found one of the greatest White Men Can't Jump thinking minds of all-time (or you know, before 1992) in Jared Wade from Both Teams Played Hard.

So the other night while there is a myriad (two) of intense basketball games going on, Jared responded to Russ Bengston of Slam Online fame via Twitter. Russ (who may or may not be my uncle) had made the comment that something was "TOO EASY!" To which Jared replied:

"@russbengtson Nah nah nah nah....This shit is TOO easy."

Not only did it make me chuckle but I found it necessary to respond. Things got rolling down hill pretty quickly, which may not be completely captivating to the casual fan but to those of us who loved Money Train nearly as much as we loved White Men Can't Jump, you'll be happy. The following is what took place:

@talkhoops -- "Black ball? What do you mean BLACK ball?"

@bothteamsplayed - "Opie pissing on you."

 @talkhoops - "Taking you to flight school. Going to go to the seventh floor and drop you off on the fifth."

@bothteamsplayed - "And tell Ant Bea she betta have my beanpies or I'ma kick 'er ass."

@talkhoops - "My mother's too drunk to be an astronaut."

@bothteamsplayed - "Yeah, but you know a futon's actually better for you back."

@talkhoops - "You can put a cat in the oven but that don't make it a biscuit."

@bothteamsplayed - "The youngest one in curls."

@talkhoops - "Can anybody step in for him? Anybody? For Mr. Motherfucking March of Dimes?"

@bothteamsplayed - "I was here Billy Ho; I saw the whole damn thing."

@talkhoops - "I'm gonna go to my car. Get my other gun. Shoot everybody here."

@bothteamsplayed - "I got no problem putting my seventeen-hundred against your eleven-fifty."

@talkhoops - "Screwing is for caaaarpenters."

@bothteamsplayed - "You thought he was gonna ... course he aint gonna pass it ... D up, man."

@talkhoops - "I'm in a zone! I'm in a fucking zone!"

@bothteamsplayed - "Are you guys gonna give us a game? I have better things to do with my Saturday."

@talkhoops - "Don't let him pull the move on you. Don't let him pull the move! That's the move!"

@bothteamsplayed - "Raymond?!?!?! That's you."

@talkhoops - "Ok, ok. But now YOU robbing me."

@bothteamsplayed - "Go back to Sea World."

@talkhoops - "Teammates can't hustle each other. It's not artistic."

(At this point, Matt Reitz from Viewfrommyseats.com threw his name into the hat and started tossing in some great quotes as well.)

@viewfrommyseats - "Why dont we take all these bricks and build a shelter for the homeless... so your Mom will have a place to stay."

@bothteamsplayed - "Gobble this, turkey."

@talkhoops - "Well, whose ever fucking debt, I'm not getting shot over it."

@viewfrommyseats - "There aint no vista, there aint no view... and there sure aint no vista of no view!"

@bothteamsplayed - "The whole damn band is white 'cept for Jimi."

@talkhoops - "Jeopardy's going to call today, Billy! I can feel it!"

@viewfrommyseats - "I'll take foods that start with the letter Q for $200 Alex.."

@bothteamsplayed - "I will never bring you water when you thirsting in our bed / 'Cause I understand dry-mouthedness so I'll sympathize instead"

@talkhoops - "If I don't help out my people, who will?"

@viewfrommyseats - "Michael Jordan was down here. He said, you should play summer pro league. I said No, HELL no...."

@bothteamsplayed - "You could get Bernard King out here and it wouldn't matta. We hittin' two and we out. Swish. Swish."

@talkhoops - "9-8 you? If it's 9-8 you, I'll go home and kill myself and I don't want to do that."

@viewfrommyseats - "I thought we were going to sizzler..."

@bothteamsplayed - ""A thing of beauty is a joy forever." John Keats said that. John Keats, that's my man. You know that, right?"

@talkhoops - "Shit might fuck up his game and we can't have that, Billy Ho."

@bothteamsplayed - "Evanesa bon della / evanesa bon della / evanesa bon della / ha la dees a bon de ha la"

@talkhoops - "I hustled a hell of a lot better players than you."

@bothteamsplayed - "Check this out. Lee Harvey Oswald's last words: "It wasn't me it was the C-I-Aaa." Get it, C-I-Aaa? And Ruby's standing over ..."

@talkhoops - "Gloria, it was a pleasure. I like those rings. They're kinda fly."

@bothteamsplayed - "Can I at least use my right arm?"

@talkhoops - "What is a quince?"


That cracked me up again just posting it. Like I said, I'm very easily amused at times. If I'm lucky, you will have found this entertaining as well.

It will be like the luck of the Irish, only I'm not Irish.

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