| 05 May 2010
(Photo by Fernando Medina/NBAE via Getty Images)
Orlando Magic 114, Atlanta Hawks 71
There are several things that I can’t stand about the way society interacts with each other. I feel like there is too much forced interaction due to people feeling awkward that they aren’t talking to the person next to them. They feel that they have to rectify this silence, otherwise something could be wrong with them.
It’s a level of insecurity that drives most small talk. If they can’t hold a conversation for a short moment with a complete stranger then maybe they’re a horribly uninteresting person. Maybe someone could never want to have a conversation with him or her. Whatever it is, the small talk creates two big problems.
The first problem is the small talk itself. There are very few things that annoy me as much as someone trying to force small talk with me. I find it to be rude and invasive to my privacy. I’m not saying that people don’t deserve to talk to me. I’m all for participation if you have something to actually discuss that is going to stimulate my mind for a few minutes. But to tell me that it “sure is hot out there” or “looks like it might rain” is one of the most inconsiderate things you can do.
The biggest crime scene for this type of annoyance is definitely in the elevator. I don’t understand the need to strike up a brief conversation with someone when you’re only going to be around that person for a maximum of 45 seconds. As an anti-social person that hates small talk, I never feel awkward silence. I can sense that it is awkward for the other person but for me, I’m always comfortable. I never think, “oh god, awkward silence.” I usually just smile to myself and think, “ahhhh, silence!”
My biggest issue with the elevator small talk is where it goes once the doors open. Odds are that I’m never going to see that person again. They could be brutally murdered or win the lottery or fly to the moon and I’d probably never encounter them ever again. So what do I say to them after they’ve forced me into a conversation about where they buy their shoes? Do I tell them to have a nice life? Do I tell them to have a good one (which the “one” has never been adequately explained to me so I don’t know what it is)? There are just too many awkward goodbyes that can be invoked here.
I’d much rather ignore that person. I’d much rather have a pair of headphones on my head even if it’s obvious that I’m not listening to anything. I don’t care about discussing the eight seconds of CNN news that we’ll both see from the television inside the new elevators. I don’t care if you thought you might need a raincoat today. I don’t care if you’re heading up to the 11th floor to go bang your secretary because your wife is a real wench. Okay, I might actually want to figure out that conversation with a stranger. The point is I’m willing to be the adult here and admit that I don’t care about your life as much as you shouldn’t care about mine. I have no inkling of what will befall you the rest of your time on this earth and I don’t really care because it probably doesn’t affect me. You should feel the same way.
The second problem with this dynamic of society is that people decide to fake an interest and tell stories from the numerous stories that these strangers have shared with them. It causes people to think that forcing yourself into my life might add to my day in a positive way, which is just narcissistic of you. This leads to people assuming that strangers are fun to talk to.
Whenever someone tells me that they “just love people” I immediately interject that they’re wrong for feeling that way. People are stupid. People are stupid, ignorant, rude, self-centered cows that add very little to someone’s self worth or purpose in the grand scheme of things. Yes, I’m a little jaded considering that I worked in retail for much of my formative teenage and early 20s years. But the fact remains that people are horrible entities.
Have you ever been unnecessarily rude to a retail worker because they “just make minimum wage” or “should be doing their job better” or “you can’t believe they don’t carry chinos in a 46-waist”? You’re rude. Have you ever complained more than three times in a decade about the food someone served you at a restaurant? Do you tip under 20% for your meals? Do you not consider the fact that your waiter is also trying to serve five other tables of selfish pricks just like yourself so it might take a minute to get your eighth Diet Coke refill? Then you’re one of those people I loathe in society and the reason that I tell people they’re wrong for loving the general public.
Small talk has led to all of these feelings. I’m sorry you’re so worried about your life being unfulfilling that you think it’s acceptable to let me know your son has an iPhone just like mine and that he’s always on there texting his friends but that shouldn’t be my problem. Ever. Please stop small talking other people just because you feel awkward. Pop some Riddlin, wait for the moment to pass and let everybody go on with their lives.
It will make the world a much better place.
And if you thought the four minutes it took to read this post wasted YOUR time then imagine how the people who watched the Magic-Hawks game felt for the two-and-a-half hours they spent Tuesday night when they viewed the 43-point blowout.
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