An Inappropriate and Likely Incomprehensible Allegory for 76ers-Heat

In this story, I am the 76ers and spicy Thai curry is the Heat.

I've been preparing mentally and physically. I've dealt with spicy Thai curry before. The dish is best described as hearty, both in terms of heat and sheer volume of sustenance offered, though my palette is indeed willing. I know all of this before entering the restaurant and ordering. Nevertheless, I know I'm going into a battle I'm unlikely to win. But I still have at least a hope in hell of finishing this thing, even if only one time.

A light lunch and pre-meal nap is no adequate preparation for such an endeavor, but is anything? We're talking authentic Thai heat, here, folks.

A few bites in, I feel good. This could be the time I prove my grit against each fiery foreign morsel, down to the final bite. "Just enjoy it," I tell myself. You pay for this stuff because it tastes good.

But soon, the eyes start to water. The stomach starts to expand at a rate faster than I could have ever foreseen as I drain drought after drought of water to battle the spices. I begin to take breaks between bites. The staff offer encouragement, for some reason. Anyone could see that the battle has been lost, but I fight on for a few more painful minutes. 

Eventually, I admit defeat. A container is requested so that I may finish the meal on my own turf, in the comfort of my own home. Perhaps that advantage will offer me a shot at redemption.

But in the end, the curry is better than me. The curry has won despite my desire to devour it (the curry has no desire, at least not comparable to mine. It is expected to best me). My willing palette, my deep hunger, all proved for naught. The curry rests in my fridge as leftovers, waiting for me in my own home, but I'll never finish it. It was hopeless the whole time, I see now. 

A valiant effort, 76ers, but we all know this series has likely already been decided.

Authentic Thai's potency cannot be denied, just as the Miami Heat triumverate's potency cannot be denied.